Their Altar

One of the things I have noticed, and written about before, about worshiping Loki is this: You don't JUST worship Loki.

He comes with others. He isn't alone. Maybe He will bring His children. Maybe one of His wives. Maybe His mother. Maybe His blood brother. He knows who He wants to have with Him. My worship of Loki always includes Sigyn. His altar space in my home has toys and candy for Narvi and Vali and if I light a candle for Him there had better be a candle for Sigyn. There is no other option.

When my coven decided we would do a Pagan style lent and spend the days between Imbolc and Ostara saying a shared daily prayer (along with prayers to our personal deities) it never even crossed my mind to NOT light a candle for Her.

I love Brigid. She has my heart in ways I can not explain. I adore Loki. Where They lead me I will always follow. Freyja has been here for a while as well but Sigyn... I never expected her. I've slowly slipped into a place where I can not worship Him without thinking of Her. She keeps Him strong. She keeps Him young. She reminds Him that love is alive and allowed and real. She ... She is amazing.

So, before I get too choked up thinking about it, here is Their altar. It started out as Loki's space. Slowly, over the past year, it has become Their space. It is only just now though, as I write this, that I realize how much more my life is because She stands by His side and He refuses to let Her be looked over. It just accrued to me that I need another candle. This one for Angrboda.

Hail Loki! Hail Sigyn! Hail Narvi & Vali! Hail Angrboda!

Goddess of Poetry...

My coven decided to honor the three faces of Brigid for Imbolc. I was given the task of writing something for the aspect of Her that is the Goddess of poetry. This is the result.

Goddess of Poetry.

Oh! Goddess of mine.

Sweet Bríd, the ink of my pen.

You inspire me.

My words, blessed by you.

Refined in your sacred fire.

These words, my soul bared.

You speak and I write.

My words inspired by you.

Bright poetic flame.

Hail, to you, Brigid.

Goddess of Inspiration.

words flow like water.

Bríd. Sacred water.

Inspiration flows from you.

Verdant cloaked Goddess.

Give me words to write.

You are the Mother of Bards.

Shakespeares one true muse.

Hail Brigid.  

Be A Light In Dark Places

I love you Flaming Arrow.

I love you Lady of the Forge.

I love you Healing Waters.

I love you Goddess turned Saint.

I love you Forever Flame.

I love you Flaming Hair.

I love you Lady of Kildare.

I love you Daughter of Danu.

I love you Lady of Imbolc.

Brigid. Brìghde. Fraid. Breo Saighead. Bríd.

Sweet Lady of Flame and Healing Waters, I love you.

Hail Bríd. Mother of my heart. Beloved Goddess.

I adore you.

Shine bright, like a diamond.

I've been given a bit of guff from members of the Pagan community because of my blending of Jewish traditions into my personal path/religious practice.

I've never really understood why people take issue with it, but like many things that go unanswered, I'm not overly concerned with the whys. I am happy with my path and the steps I am  taking along it. I don't give a flying frog fart about what other people think about it. It is MY journey after all. Not theirs.

I am saying this because tonight I will be lighting the two menorahs we own and sitting in the glow of the candle light and reflecting on how I can be like those candles.

You see, when I light the candles I make sure all of the lights in my apartment are off. I then light the shamash (shamash means servant and is the candle that sits slightly higher than the rest. It is used to light the candles with. Basically, a "need fire" candle) and reflect on how I am like the little candle. On it's own the shamash gives off a bit of light but not all that much. It is bright in the darkness but it is alone.

As I say the prayers and light the other candles I reflect on how those candles are like the people around me. The men and women I deal with on a daily basis. The shamash shares it's flame with the other candles and takes them from from thin bits of wax and turns them into shining beacons. Warm and bright in the darkness.

When all of the candles are lit my apartment has a bit of a glow to it. Warmth radiates from my altar (where I keep the menorahs) and the living room is bright enough that I can see in the darkness. Sure, the candles don't light all of the rooms in my apartment but the room I am in is warm and filled with cheer because of those tiny lights, all in a row, working together to push aside the darkness.

That is really what the winter holidays are all about in my opinion. They aren't about the Christ child, or the newly born Sun god. They aren't about a battle fought by a rag-tag army generations upon generations ago. They aren't about heritage or culture. The winter holidays are about light in the darkness. They are about hope for a new beginning. The sweet promise of a new and better time to come.

We celebrate in the darkness with our lights because we are celebrating, just as our ancestors did, a time when the dark was more than winter gloom. We are celebrating a promise. The promise of a spring to come. We are celebrating the hope that we will live through the dark and cold. Through the snow and ice that is surely to come. We are celebrating the idea that we will be here to see the spring again and know the warmth of the sun on our faces.

We are all lighting candles, or tree lights, and sending unspoken wishes of survival out into the dark. Each candle and light is a tiny statement of bravery. Each pinprick of light is shinning in the darkness and proclaiming that it knows that the darkness and cold of winter are coming but that it is not afraid because it is not alone.

It is my prayer for you, as I light my Chanukah candles and then again for Saint Lucia day, then the 12 days of Yule, that you will be a light in the darkness.

May your inner light of strength and compassion shine brightly in the darkness.
May you find peace and happiness in the years to come.
May you be a beacon unto those who need a helping hand.

Happy Holidays and to tweak a quote from Tiny Tim...

May the Gods bless us, every one!

Can I use a birthday candle in a pinch?

Today is my 30th birthday. When I think about the implications of that I smile. 

I have taken 30 trips around the sun. I have lived, laughed, loved, cried, fought, and fallen in love for 30 years. While that number isn't as "great" as the numbers my friends and family can claim, I am happy with it. 

As I have mentioned in past posts, I love Loki but my heart belongs to Brigid. Not only is it my birthday, but I also have a flame tending shift for Her today. I am having a hard time not seeing that as a sign. 

I have been struggling with the idea of who I am in regards Her and the faces of the Goddess for a few months. 

I am not a maiden by any stretch of the imagination, but I am also not the traditional idea of a mother. 

It is my hope, and if I am honest with myself my birthday wish, that I will be able to call myself a Priestess of Brigid by the time I have completed my 40th trip around the sun. 

And on that note... I have nothing else to say besides:

Hail Brigid, 

Breo-saighead - Flaming Arrow.

Fire of Inspiration.

Smith of so much more than metal. 

Lady of Fire and Water.

You are my heart. 

You are my passion.

You are my Goddess.

I honor you today. 

Hail Brigid.

Candle in my window...

I once read that if you place a candle in your window on Samhain that it keeps the "bad" spirits out and lets the "good" spirits in. For some reason that stuck with me and every Samhain (okay... usually I start at sundown on Oct 30th) I put a candle in the window. When it starts to fade, a new candle is added. When I had a front porch, I put out Jack-o-lanterns.

This year, all I have is the candle in the window but I know that it is enough.

I've changed a lot in the past year. My path is more defined for me and I am stronger in myself and more confident in my beliefs. Last Samhain the candle was in the window to welcome the good spirits and to ward off the bad spirits. This year the candle isn't a ward but a message. It is a message to my beloved dead. It is shining in the darkness to let them know that I remember them and that this day, this time, is for them.

Tonight I honor my ancestors in general but there are a few specific people I will be saying prayers for and honoring.

My Grandpa Frank is honored today/tonight (as he always is). His picture is a permanent fixture on my altar and after the sun comes up I will run to the store and get him orange soda. I have no memories of Grandpa Frank as he died long before I was born (Nov 28th, 1960). The few stories I have heard about him make me smile and one of them involves him walking through a grocery store collecting the things he needed to make a sandwich and then making the sandwich right there in the store. Apparently he did this when my Aunt Rosie (his sister-in-law) was with him and she refused to go to the store with him ever again. My mother used to open bags of chips and bottles of water in the grocery store when she was shopping and it always embarrassed the hell out of me so I can understand my Aunt Rosie's pain here...

My Uncle Terry will be honored today/tonight. Unfortunately I didn't get to know him all that well. He passed away when I was six. I don't remember much about him except that he was just SUPER tall. Granted, when you are six everyone is tall but I think Uncle Terry really was tall. He was a good man. My mother never had an unkind thing to say about him and to this day she speaks of him with a fondness that she rarely shows in regards to my father’s side of the family. He helped my mother write up and file her divorce papers so that she could leave my father (his younger brother). I'm not sure why but I see that as a true act of courage. One of my favorite relatives is his daughter Alicia. She is every bit the good person he was and when she smiles, sometimes I can see him in her face.

My Great Grandma Cole will be honored today/tonight. When my mother was abandoned by her mother and step-father Grandma Cole stood by her side. She loved her unconditionally and when she passed away in February my mother’s heart broke. I didn't feel Grandma's death as deeply but the sadness that still radiates off of my mother when Grandma Cole is brought up speaks to the place she held in my mom’s heart. I am ashamed to admit that I avoided calling her on the phone because she talked to me about people I didn't know and I rarely wrote her letters aside from her yearly Christmas card. As is typical, I wish I had taken the time and gotten to know her better.

My Aunt Rosie will be honored today/tonight. Aunt Rosie also looked after my mom and refused to stop talking to her when mom's parents abandoned her. When Aunt Rosie died mom was upset but she focused on Grandma Cole (Rosie and Grandma Cole lived together and I can't remember a time when they didn't). I called Aunt Rosie 'Mad Madame Mim' because she reminded me of the character Mim from The Sword in the Stone. Aunt Rosie had a garden in her yard and fake plants in her house. If you touched her fake plants she would slap you with a fly swatter. She loved the color orange and the Seattle Mariners. She and Grandma Cole were huge baseball fans and I find it fitting that last night was the last game World Series. Tonight when I light their candles I will tell them all about the series and the BoSox win at home last night.

My husband’s best friend Nick will be honored today/tonight. Nick was a character. Handsome and smart, skinny as a rail with an appetite to rival Loki's (when he battled against fire in Jötunheimr). The first time I met him he threatened to kill me if I broke my husband’s heart. His death left my husband devastated and to this day that pain still shows in his eyes if Nick is mentioned. Nick was the first person I toasted in Sumbel and he is always honored in my home when we honor our beloved dead.

There are others who I will light candles for. Other people who have passed on but still linger in my heart, but those listed above are the people who I will honor not only tonight but also this weekend when my coven gets together.

May your Samhain/WinterNights be blessed and full of good memories of your ancestors and beloved dead. May your Hallowe'en be full of treats, not tricks. May your New Year be full of love, light, laughter, and happiness.

This is all kinds of off the cuff

This is a quick and dirty post.

I came across this gif on tumblr and immediately the word "Hel" came to mind.

So this is for Hel.

Hail Hel
Lady of two faces.
Beauty in life and Beauty in death.
Help me honor my dead.
Teach me the ways of remembrance.
Show me your face, that I might embrace the reality of my own mortality.
Mighty Hel. Mother of Bones.