When people see you, what are they seeing?

A lot of things happened this year at Free Spirit Gathering. Here are four things that stick out in my mind.

1. On Tuesday night we had the opening Sumbel. I made an off handed comment about being a Lokean and a woman who was sitting to my right in the circle scooted away from me. When I asked her what she was doing she proclaimed that she was a devotee of Heimdallr in such a way that made it clear that that to her the proclamation excused her rudeness.  
2. A Gothi of Baldr  told me that because of who I am as a person, and the way that I carry myself, he would be willing to attend the Loki Blot I was hosting. A Gothi of Baldr. Of BALDR. Yeah.
3. A friend of mine, who also happens to be a Son of Heimdallr, hailed Loki in a blot. It wasn't even a blot for Loki. 
4. A person who I hold in high regard told me that my behavior as a Lokean, as well as past conversations she and I have had, made her comfortable enough to allow someone to add Loki to a shrine in her home. 

Things happened in that exact order.

Maybe I am reading into things, though I will be honest - I do not think I am, but I see those things falling the way they did as a sign from the gods.

I have worked hard in the past four years to remind people that Loki is not just chaos. He is truth. He is home and family. He is an oath keeper. He is the fire of destruction but that fire often burns away the rot and stagnation that keep people from growth. Loki is more than the box most people paint Him into.

So, even though one woman did a disservice to her god and was rude, three other people reminded me that I am exactly what Brigid and Loki have asked me to be. I am a light in the darkness. I shine Their fire out into the world and people are starting to see it. Starting to take notice.

Hail Loki, World Breaker.
Hail Baldr, Joyous One
Hail Heimdallr, Watcher in the Night.
Hail Brigid, Flaming Arrow.

Hail the my Kindred. Hail to the family of my heart and hearth. Hail to all who look beyond the surface of things.

Their Altar

One of the things I have noticed, and written about before, about worshiping Loki is this: You don't JUST worship Loki.

He comes with others. He isn't alone. Maybe He will bring His children. Maybe one of His wives. Maybe His mother. Maybe His blood brother. He knows who He wants to have with Him. My worship of Loki always includes Sigyn. His altar space in my home has toys and candy for Narvi and Vali and if I light a candle for Him there had better be a candle for Sigyn. There is no other option.

When my coven decided we would do a Pagan style lent and spend the days between Imbolc and Ostara saying a shared daily prayer (along with prayers to our personal deities) it never even crossed my mind to NOT light a candle for Her.

I love Brigid. She has my heart in ways I can not explain. I adore Loki. Where They lead me I will always follow. Freyja has been here for a while as well but Sigyn... I never expected her. I've slowly slipped into a place where I can not worship Him without thinking of Her. She keeps Him strong. She keeps Him young. She reminds Him that love is alive and allowed and real. She ... She is amazing.

So, before I get too choked up thinking about it, here is Their altar. It started out as Loki's space. Slowly, over the past year, it has become Their space. It is only just now though, as I write this, that I realize how much more my life is because She stands by His side and He refuses to let Her be looked over. It just accrued to me that I need another candle. This one for Angrboda.

Hail Loki! Hail Sigyn! Hail Narvi & Vali! Hail Angrboda!

Shine bright, like a diamond.

I've been given a bit of guff from members of the Pagan community because of my blending of Jewish traditions into my personal path/religious practice.

I've never really understood why people take issue with it, but like many things that go unanswered, I'm not overly concerned with the whys. I am happy with my path and the steps I am  taking along it. I don't give a flying frog fart about what other people think about it. It is MY journey after all. Not theirs.

I am saying this because tonight I will be lighting the two menorahs we own and sitting in the glow of the candle light and reflecting on how I can be like those candles.

You see, when I light the candles I make sure all of the lights in my apartment are off. I then light the shamash (shamash means servant and is the candle that sits slightly higher than the rest. It is used to light the candles with. Basically, a "need fire" candle) and reflect on how I am like the little candle. On it's own the shamash gives off a bit of light but not all that much. It is bright in the darkness but it is alone.

As I say the prayers and light the other candles I reflect on how those candles are like the people around me. The men and women I deal with on a daily basis. The shamash shares it's flame with the other candles and takes them from from thin bits of wax and turns them into shining beacons. Warm and bright in the darkness.

When all of the candles are lit my apartment has a bit of a glow to it. Warmth radiates from my altar (where I keep the menorahs) and the living room is bright enough that I can see in the darkness. Sure, the candles don't light all of the rooms in my apartment but the room I am in is warm and filled with cheer because of those tiny lights, all in a row, working together to push aside the darkness.

That is really what the winter holidays are all about in my opinion. They aren't about the Christ child, or the newly born Sun god. They aren't about a battle fought by a rag-tag army generations upon generations ago. They aren't about heritage or culture. The winter holidays are about light in the darkness. They are about hope for a new beginning. The sweet promise of a new and better time to come.

We celebrate in the darkness with our lights because we are celebrating, just as our ancestors did, a time when the dark was more than winter gloom. We are celebrating a promise. The promise of a spring to come. We are celebrating the hope that we will live through the dark and cold. Through the snow and ice that is surely to come. We are celebrating the idea that we will be here to see the spring again and know the warmth of the sun on our faces.

We are all lighting candles, or tree lights, and sending unspoken wishes of survival out into the dark. Each candle and light is a tiny statement of bravery. Each pinprick of light is shinning in the darkness and proclaiming that it knows that the darkness and cold of winter are coming but that it is not afraid because it is not alone.

It is my prayer for you, as I light my Chanukah candles and then again for Saint Lucia day, then the 12 days of Yule, that you will be a light in the darkness.

May your inner light of strength and compassion shine brightly in the darkness.
May you find peace and happiness in the years to come.
May you be a beacon unto those who need a helping hand.

Happy Holidays and to tweak a quote from Tiny Tim...

May the Gods bless us, every one!

Guess how much butthurt I have...go on, guess.

I have epic amounts of butthurt in regards to people saying bad shit about Loki. I highly doubt I am alone in this...
The thing that really chaps my ass is when people talk about Loki's crimes against the gods. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? His crimes against Them?

To punish Loki for His crimes Vali was turned into a wolf and was set on Narvi. Vali ripped Narvi apart. While Loki watched... Loki was then bound to boulders with Narvi's entrails.
Sigyn tends to Loki day and night, Her loving hands holding the bowl that catches the snakes venom so that He wont be burned. She stands there and looks at Her beloved, bound by their child's remains, and can do nothing but catch the venom in an attempt to ease His pain.

How in the heck is that fair? What does the killing of children prove besides the fact that the other gods are just as 'cruel' as Loki.

This rant is brought to you by this question over on Grumpy Lokean Elder's blog.
Whenever someone asks me how I can love Him considering His hand in Ragnarok I always respond with this question:

"What would you do if your children were murdered before your eyes?"

I spoke to a Heathen friend about Loki at a recent Pagan festival that I was at. I made a reference to Loki being bound with his child's entrails and she asked me if I was positive that that was fact and not UPG.
It is easy to paint Him with the brush that makes him the villain. It is harder to look at Him and realize that He is also a victim. Sure, He fucked about and caused havoc...but so did They.

It's easy to blame someone when they are too weak to defend themselves.

Month for Loki day 4 - Digital Altars

I live in a constant state of needing another altar. One just for Loki. My main altar really is mostly for Brigid, but He is willing to share and They don't seem to mind one another. At least not as far as I can tell.
Because I am not able to add another large altar (I live in a small apartment in NYC) due to the lack of space here at my place, I maintain two digital "altars" for him.

Like many people I know, I am mildly addicted to pinterest. I have a board that I pin things to for Him. Usually it is just pictures of Him, but some have Sigyn and I think there are one or two pictures of His children on there as well.

The other digital altar that is His and His alone is my cell phone. About a month ago I felt the urge to take one of the pictures from my pinterest board for Him and make it the background on my phone.
This is my current background currently:

His face also graces my lock screen:

I like having Him on my phone. I work from home and my cell is my primary contact number, so it tends to go with me no matter where I am. Having His picture there for me to see whenever I use my phone keeps Him on my mind. Which is the goal I think.

The two pictures here are my favorite pictures of Him that I have seen. I love the smirk. I love His scars. My only issue... I'm not sure if He really is a red head. I mean, I know that He appears how He wants to, but I don't know if I have ever seen His hair as red. I haven't seen His hair in a long time. Years actually. His lips are a main focus whenever I see Him. I wonder if I will ever be lucky enough to see His entire face again. Only time will tell.

On a side note, Happy 4th of July (aka Independence Day) to anyone reading this that is from the U.S.
When the sky lights up tonight I will smile to myself and think of Him.

Hail Loki!

If you want something done right, you'll have to do it yourself...

I think that is the way that that saying goes.

Regardless of the exact phrasing, that right there is why I am starting this blog. Well, that and because Del (aka The Lokean Pope) put out a call for more pagan blogs a few months back. I decided that today, the first day of the Month for Loki would be a perfect time to start this blog. 

You see, as the title says, I want this done right. That means, it is time to stop my bitching and write. 

Now, you might be wondering what I am bitching about. Well...alright. Here goes.

I am a Lokean. 

I have known Loki for as long as I can remember. As a child He came to me looking like The Nuge. All wild hair and conspiring smiles. He told me jokes and made a very bad time bearable. I'm no longer the hurt little girl who needs a silver tongued warrior to defend her, but He still looks the same... 

I spent a lot of time running from Him. I will be 30 in November and it has only been in the past year that I have fully embraced the title of Lokean. It has only been in the last year that I have embraced Him. 

I know that he has a different relationship with others. I am not interested in a different relationship with Him than what I have. Deep? Yes. Different? No.

You see, Loki is pretty much the closest thing to a father that I have. I have only met one other person who says that and he is linked in this blog. Most people (usually straight women) see Him as this sexy broody god with a wicked sense of humor and a big fat you know what I am talking about. Not everyone is a Godspouse. Some of us are just devotees. Some of us are just followers who love what a certain deity stands for even when they have never heard that deities 'voice'.

I am Eri. I am a daughter of Loki and a follower of Brigid. I like fire (for obvious reasons) and tell horribly silly bad jokes. This is my blog. I would say 'welcome' but I have hospitality issues and that word makes me twitchy.