Shabbat Shalom - I am a half ass JeWitch.

As I mentioned before, I am slow to do things religiously speaking. 

I have been meaning to work certain bits of Judaism into my personal practice for four years now. I started with covering my hair when I am outside my house (because I am married) and celebrating Chanukah...

Tonight I lit the Shabbat candles for the first time. I said the prayer and I lit a candle for Loki and Sigyn as well. 

It felt good. Doing that one thing. Lighting the candles. Running my hands over the flames three times, covering my eyes and mumbling the prayer to myself in slightly broken Hebrew felt good. It felt like home. 

I didn't do the ritual hand washing or say the motzi blessing, but I lit those candles. I lit them at the proper time and as I write this those candles are all still burning. They are low, but burning.

I know that there is a lot I still have to learn. I have a goal for myself for this year. I need to be more dedicated in regards to Loki and Brigid, but I also want to be more observant in regards to Judaism as well. 

I am drawn to the cultural aspects of the faith. Not Hashem, though I have no issues with Him at all. He is just not my G-d. My interest in Judaism is almost atheistic. I like the ritual of the practices not the faith.

I hope that I will be able to continue on this way, lighting the Shabbat candles at the end of the week and celebrating the High Holy Days and Chanukah. 

Shabbat Shalom! 

Month for Loki day 11 - It's been a while...

I feel bad for not updating for the past 9 days.
Things have been funky and strange around my house. Loki has fallen to the side as I have worked on a few things here...
I hope to finally get a few things done for Him and for Sigyn this weekend.

Anyway...
I struggle with the concept of prayer. I am not very good at off the cuff prayers so I tend to use things I find that others have written (chants, songs, poems and prayers).

I found these online and use them from time to time:

I like them enough that when I get off work in about an hour I will be lighting a candle and saying those prayers.

Hail Loki!

Month for Loki day 10 - Toys for Tots... or something like that.

A few days ago I was thinking of what I could get for Narvi and Vali to put on my altar. All I could think about was toy cars. Interestingly enough, when I thought about the toy cars for Them I didn't think about them being on my altar. I thought about the cars being in the dirt beneath Laufey's branches. A bit like children playing at their Grandmothers feet.

I decided to wait on getting Them something until I was 100% positive that what I was getting was right.

Yesterday I posted that I need to walk my talk. I need to be the devotee I keep promising Loki I will be. I need to be the person I keep promising to myself as well.

Well, today I was in the grocery store and as my husband and I were checking out I noticed two Hot Wheels cars on the end cap where the gum is displayed. When I say two cars, I mean just that. Two cars. No more, no less. One car was two different shades of blue with what are probably supposed to be flames but I think look like waves. The other was a green pickup truck with a bit of "woodland" camouflage on the sides. A bit fitting if you think about it...

I bought the trucks and brought them home. Right now they are sitting on my altar directly in front of Sigyn's ring, Loki's wood cutting and a small bit of brown pine needles that came off of the pine tree I refer to as Laufey.

Truth be told, I spent a bit of time this morning debating whether or not to hold the bowl for Sigyn today. I had a feeling that it should wait for another day.

I am glad I waited. I feel like the toys for Narvi and Vali are a wonderful thing. Not only are the cars for Them, the cars also show respect and honor to Sigyn and Loki as well.

This is a step in the right direction for me.

Here is a prayer for Narvi and Vali. I would just copy and paste it here, but it is not mine to repost.

Hail Loki.
Hail Sigyn.
Hail Laufey.
Hail Narvi.
Hail Vali.

Hail to the family of the Father of My Heart.

Month for Loki day 9 - Shit Or Get Off The Pot

I owe Loki a batch of scotch cupcakes. I have owed Him this batch of cupcakes for well over a year.
I also promise both Him and Sigyn that I would get toys for Narvi and Vali and that I would take up Her bowl and hold it so She could rest.

I am ashamed to admit that I haven't done any of the things I promised.

I have a tendency to put off today what could be done tomorrow. That tendency has cause me a lot of stagnation in my faith.

I read a few blog entries on well known Lokean blogs this morning that made it startlingly clear to me that in the past two years I have let my mouth write checks that my ass can't cash. I am not going to say that the blog entries I read were a direct message from Loki to me. I am not self absorbed enough to think that He would have His devotee's write blog entries with just me in mind. However, I do know that those blog entries were divinely inspired for people like me to see.

Sometime before the end of the month I need to make those cupcakes. Sometimes this week I need to make a cup of tea for Sigyn and get a bowl so that I can take Her place for ten minutes so that She can rest.
Putting these things off again is not an option. If this blog is about anything it is about my absolute need to make a place for Him in my life. In order to do that I need to stop making empty promises and fulfill the empty lingering promises I made over a year ago.

It has become clear to me that in order to move forward I need to remove my self inflicted road blocks.

Hail Teller of Harsh Realities.
Hail Forcer of Truths.
Hail Bringer of New Ways.
Hail Loki.

Month for Loki day 8 - Touching Fire.

The image above is actually a remake of a "Lokean Problems" meme I saw on Tumblr about a year and a half ago. Sadly, the blog that updated the meme is gone. The picture really does explain a lot in regards to my personal path. 

You seen, I am not only a Lokean, I am also a devotee of the Goddess Brigid. Between the two of them, my affinity with fire is fairly obvious...

I know that this month is really supposed to be dedicated to Loki and I love that this is a time set aside just for Him but I have two cill shifts for Brigid this month. There has to be a big of balance somewhere...

I have had to deal with the balance between the two of Them before. Not long ago I was contemplating moving Brigid off of my main altar to a smaller altar in my bedroom and giving the main altar to Loki. 

He never asked to have an altar of His own. He actually said a few different times that He was fine with His spot on the main altar. I ignored Him. I also ignored Brigid when She said that She was not willing to move off of the main altar and into my bedroom. 

I ignored Her to the point that She lit me on fire. 

Twice.

When I thought about why She lit me on fire I got a bit of a nudge from Loki and They both made it clear to me that while I kept saying that I wanted to do more for Them, I didn't listen to a damn thing that either of Them said to me. 

I have a feeling that between the two of Them I will be learning a lot this year. Specifically about when to listen and when to act. Something I am not ashamed to admit, that I really need to work on. 

So tonight, this entry is for Loki and Brigid. Just like my altar and my devotion.

Hail Brigid, Flaming Arrow.

Hail Loki, Fire Bearer.

I adore your Brigid, Quick of Mind.

I adore you Loki, Sliver Tongue.

Hail Brigid, Mother and Goddess my heart.

Hail Loki, Father and God my heart. 

Hail to the Mistress and Master of my hearts flame.

May your fires burn bright in me, that I might be a light for both of you in this world. 

Month for Loki day 7 (a day late) - Coffee and doughnuts.

I missed yesterdays post. To make up for it Loki gets two posts today...

I have been reading a few of the blog that are taking part in the Month for Loki and I notice that a lot of people give Him coffee in the morning. I rarely give Him food offerings but something about the idea of giving Him coffee struck a cord with me. I had intended to make Him coffee yesterday but got distracted and forgot.

I promised to make it up to him and made plans to get coffee with a friend coffee today. As I was texting my friend about getting coffee this morning this conversation happened:

Loki: I would like some coffee as well.
Me: I am going to Dunkin Donuts, do you want iced coffee?
Loki: I want a doughnut.
Me: I will get you a small coffee and a doughnut.

I ended up getting Him that small coffee (caramel iced coffee with whole milk and whipped cream) and not one but two apple cinnamon doughnuts. I set up a "quick and dirty" altar for Him at my friends place and lit a candle. The doughnuts attracted wild life (aka her cats) and one of them ended up on the floor...
I think He was pleased with the offering I made though.

It looks like I have a new morning ritual. Coffee, incense and a prayer for Him.  I think it will be a good way to start my days.

Month for Loki day 6 - Hail Laufey

I bought a tree at the Union Square Farmers Market here in NYC for Yule. I picked a small potted tree to keep on my altar and not long after I put Her there I started calling Her Laufey.

Not surprisingly the more I attempted to follow Loki's instructions and fix my familial relationships, the more His family started to make themselves known to me. 

I am not sure what it is that I need to do for Laufey besides tend the small pine tree that bears Her name. 

My husband and I just re-potted Her and She is now sitting in our living room window, which gets a great deal of morning sun each day. 

Here She is, in Her new pot: 

There is a lot of room in Her new pot, which is a good thing because now Her roots can spread and She can flourish. 

When I think of Laufey, Sigyn, Angrboda, or any of His children the expression "love me, love my family" comes to mind. 

I owe His children, Angrboda and Sigyn all a bit of attention but today/tonight was about showing Him my devotion by taking care of the physical representation of His mother that resides in my home. 

Hail Laufey, mother of Loki. 

May you always feel welcomed in my home. 

Month for Loki day 5 - Hail Loki

Hail Son of Laufey.

Hail Sly One.

Hail Silver Tongue.

Hail Husband of Angerboda and Sigyn

Hail Lover of many mortals.

Hail Father of many.

Hail Mother of Sleiphnir.

Hail Friend of Odin and Thor.

Hail Fire Bearer.

Hail Protector and Shield of the down trodden. 

Hail Loki.

Hail Loki.

Hail, Hail, Hail Loki. 

Month for Loki day 4 - Digital Altars

I live in a constant state of needing another altar. One just for Loki. My main altar really is mostly for Brigid, but He is willing to share and They don't seem to mind one another. At least not as far as I can tell.
Because I am not able to add another large altar (I live in a small apartment in NYC) due to the lack of space here at my place, I maintain two digital "altars" for him.

Like many people I know, I am mildly addicted to pinterest. I have a board that I pin things to for Him. Usually it is just pictures of Him, but some have Sigyn and I think there are one or two pictures of His children on there as well.

The other digital altar that is His and His alone is my cell phone. About a month ago I felt the urge to take one of the pictures from my pinterest board for Him and make it the background on my phone.
This is my current background currently:

His face also graces my lock screen:

I like having Him on my phone. I work from home and my cell is my primary contact number, so it tends to go with me no matter where I am. Having His picture there for me to see whenever I use my phone keeps Him on my mind. Which is the goal I think.

The two pictures here are my favorite pictures of Him that I have seen. I love the smirk. I love His scars. My only issue... I'm not sure if He really is a red head. I mean, I know that He appears how He wants to, but I don't know if I have ever seen His hair as red. I haven't seen His hair in a long time. Years actually. His lips are a main focus whenever I see Him. I wonder if I will ever be lucky enough to see His entire face again. Only time will tell.

On a side note, Happy 4th of July (aka Independence Day) to anyone reading this that is from the U.S.
When the sky lights up tonight I will smile to myself and think of Him.

Hail Loki!

Month for Loki day 3 - Me and my big mouth.

Even though I am taking part in the Month for Loki by maintaining a blog that is updated (hopefully) everyday, I rarely read blogs. More specifically, I almost never read pagan blogs. From time to time I find myself heading over to Temple of the Flea or Sex, Gods, and Rockstars but that is pretty much it.

Yesterday I decided to look up the other blogs rocking this whole Month for Loki thing and came across this survey about pagan piety over on Twilight and Fire. (If you are so inclined, please fill it out. It asks some interesting questions that might make you think about things that have never occurred to you.)

As far as I can tell there was a bit of a blowup out here in Pagan Blog Land about Pop Culture Pagans and the validity of their practices. I am a total rubbernecker so of course I wanted to look it up. Also, I had never heard the term Pop Culture Pagan before so I pretty much had to check this out.

Now, I am not planning to speak on the whole blow up because frankly, I don't care. I am mostly interested in getting my personal wonderings out there. 

I mentioned in my first post that I have been bitching about something in regards to Loki for years. 

The bitching has been mainly about the Marvel version of Loki and the way it makes the rest of the world see not only US (his followers) but Him as well. 

When my husband found out that I talked to Loki he bought me an action figure from the comic book series as a bit of a joke and suggested that I put it on my altar. I was mildly insulted but took it for the joke it was. That action figure didn't make the cross country move with us a few years later and a small part of me regrets that because now that there is a room for Him on my altar, I do not have the gift any longer.

Anyway... back to my bitching.

I have been lucky in the fact that despite my flat refusal to deal with Him for a long time, He stuck around. 

I took that for granted and even let his constant presence in my life give me a bit of superiority. I can admit that I took a bit of joy at the idea that I was somehow better because He had chosen me as a child and not as an adult. 

Looking back at it, I would like to take this moment to say that I was a raging bag of assholes and that my behavior was unacceptable. To anyone I made a rude comment to and/or about, I am very sorry. I had no right. Who the fuck am I to decide who is or is not good enough for Him? He's grown. He can handle His own shit. 

My biggest source of butt hurt and bitching in the past few years has been based mostly around the Marvel movies involving Loki. We've all seen them. We all know how He is portrayed and we all know how fucking hot Tom Hiddleston looks in that outfit. 

It is easy to dismiss the baby Lokean's who have found their way to Him via MarveLoki. It's even easier to pretend that their relationship with Him isn't real. I know because I have been a total shit about it for a few years now. I stopped being as vocal about their interest in Him back in December (2012)... 

You see, in my household we celebrate Chanukah, Yule, Winter Solstice and Giftmas. Why? Because we can.

For Giftmas/Yule this past year my husband got me a few books about Loki. One of them had Tom Hiddlestons face on it and included the "time" spent in New Mexico (the events from the movie Thor) as part of His pastimes. I was bothered by the fact that it was included at all because those events never actually took place. I snarked at my husband, and anyone else who would listen, about how you can't just ADD things to the Edda's! You can't just create your own stories and add them as gospel to religious texts. 

It was after one of my tirades that I got this sentence whispered in my ear:

Who are you to say what is and isn't real?

Now, follow along because this might go a bit off topic, but I swear, I have a point...

I am a HUGE Harry Potter nerd. I have a tattoo of the deathly hallows on my left wrist, and plan to get more. I make at least one HP reference a day (usually more). I read and write HP fan fiction and have made more than one fiber art project related to the series. My little sister (also a big HP nerd) and I used to talk about the characters so much when the books were still coming out that our mother and older sister thought that they were real people. My mother actually asked us when she would be able to meet those Weasley kids we talked so much about. 

When the last book came out I cried for days. When the final movie was released I held my little sisters hand in the theater and watched as the people my mother and older sister had thought were real fought the bad guy and saved the day. I cried at the death of a beloved character and clutched my sisters hand in an attempt to comfort her as she dealt with her own grief. To this day, if you mentioned Fred Weasley to either of us, we get choked up. Whenever people make comments (and they totally do - the jerks) about Harry Potter just being a story we always come back with this wonderful line that Severus Snape said in the last book.

It's real for us.

I just shared the story about my Harry Potter addiction because that four word phrase was what I heard directly after Loki whispered in my ear asking me who I thought I was. 

As pagans, we are given a bit of freedom in how we associate with the divine. UPG runs rampant through our communities (even if some people wont admit it). The idea that our gods can only be worshiped in a certain way is ludicrous. There are as many different ways to worship the divine as there are people on this planet. 

If Loki wants to put on a British actors face and make hearts melt with a wicked smile, who the hell are we to stop him? If He (or any of the other gods) wants to whisper into the ears of writers, artists, singers, and video game creators who the hell are we to say anything?

In American Gods, a book by Neil Gaiman, the Old Gods of mythology go to battle with the New American Gods (media, celebrity, technology, and drugs to name a few). The Old Gods that are mentioned are from all over the planet. Some of them (Odin, Loki, Thoth, and Anubis) are gods we recognize. Others are lesser known. 

It it my opinion that those gods mentioned above made an appearance in the book for a reason. Perhaps they felt it was time that more people stood up and paid attention. Perhaps Loki felt it was time for people to take a closer look at him and he decided that the best way to do that was by getting His name out there via a popular movie franchise. 

As far as I can tell, He doesn't seem to mind the attention. Your relationship with Loki isn't invalidated because Suzy Creamcheese in bumblefuck Ohio has a fangirl crush on MarveLoki and decided to worship the shit out of him. On that same vein, my desire to hump Idris Elba  on Thanksgiving Day in Macy's window has no bearing on my Heimdallr worshiping friends relationship with his god. 

Alright, that's all I got... Hail Loki! 

(The art is Look at me.animation by jen-and-kris btw)

.

The wood cutting and ring I mentioned in my last post

Like the title says, this is a picture of the wood cutting I bought for Him and Sigyn's ring. 

Month for Loki Day 2 - A story and a song

I spent a lot of years running from Loki. I had my reasons, but what they amount to was this: I was a scared little girl who was afraid that her new friends wouldn't like her oldest friend. I was also afraid of the stigma that came with being one of His followers.

In June of 2011 I attended a pagan festival in Maryland. It just so happened that that year there was a Loki Blot. I had attended a few other blots at the festival and decided to attend His blot as well. At about midnight I schlepped up the hill from my cabin to the place the blot was being held at and sat in the small circle of people that had gathered there to give Him their praise. I would love to say that I enjoyed that blot. I would love to say that I was ridiculously happy to be among my peers. I would love to say that I walked away from that blot with a reignited passion for Him. I would love to say those things, but I can't because none of those things happened. My relationship with Him was nothing like what the people in the blot were talking about. He'd never told me a perverted joke in my life. Not once had I looked at him with lust. There was never a time in my life that He had hidden my belongings from me or pushed me into harms way. 

I walked away from that blot with two things. The resolve to NEVER be known as a Lokean and the phrase "God didn't hide your car keys. He had more important shit to do." 

That resolve lasted for about two months. Later that summer I heard You and I by Lady Gaga. Up until that point I hadn't been a fan of her music. When I heard that song though, I instantly thought of Loki. The following lyrics caught and held my attention:

It's been a long time since I came around. 

It's been a long time, but I'm back in town.

This time I'm not leaving without you.

When those words came up in the song, I didn't hear Lady Gaga. I heard Him. He was telling me it was time to stop running and come home. 

I spent the next 10 months in a slightly closer, but not overly close, relationship with Him. He was patient with me. He waited. He demanded nothing of me but my acknowledgement of His place in my life. 

I didn't give it to him.

June of 2012 saw me attending the same festival as the year before. That year I got to meet another Lokean who's relationship was similar to mine. Loki made sure that I met him. He gave me a glimpse of  what His followers can be like. Instead of taking it for the hint it was I ignored it. I sat with a friend and cried about how I just wanted Him to go away because I never wanted to be associated with the havoc and chaos He and His followers dealt in. At the end of the festival I had a rune reading done about what I could do to get Him to leave me alone. 

The runes response was simple and to the point. I needed to work to heal the broken relationships in my life. He promise to leave if I fixed them all. He also promised me that I would regret Him leaving and that He wouldn't come back unless I begged him. 

I said I didn't care if he went. I said he was wrong... I also took him at his word and worked on those broken relationships. All of them were with family. I had no idea at the time that He is at His very core, a family man. 

Within a month I missed Him. Every time I tried to talk to him all I felt was a push of "not now". He'd never left me alone before. Not when I needed him. 

People say Loki is the father of lies. I do not agree. He is the bringer of harsh truths. 

As my relationships with my family (chosen and biological) began to heal I was hit with the harsh truth that while He had been there, always loyal and always loving, I had been a complete shit head. I had to deal with the harsh truth that I was no better than the people who sneered His name and denied Him His rightful place among the gods. 

As the last of the broken relationships in my life healed, I developed an interest in Sigyn. She helped my find my way back to Him. In return, He made sure that I had something on my altar for Her. He didn't demand anything for himself. He just wanted me to make sure She was represented. After I put the ring I got Her on my altar, I felt Him again. Not loud or persistent like he used to be. Just there. At Yule I bought a small pine tree and put it on my altar. I called it Laufey without realizing it. Not long after that I felt inclined to put toys on my altar for Narvi and Vali. 

Loki showed my His family as I rebuilt my relationships with mine. 

A few months ago I started to see Him again. I don't see Him like I see the cup of coffee sitting on my coffee table right now. When I say I see Him, I see Him in my head. Some time around February He started showing my flashes of His smile. His lips scared and turned up at the corners. Those scars were what I focused on. I used to have my libret pierced. I have an obvious scar just below the center of my bottom lip from it. Every time I saw His smile all I could think about was my scar and how I needed to have more for Him. It soon became clear a lip ring would be my "payment" to Him for the work He had helped me do.

I talked to fellow Lokean and arranged to have him say a blessing over the ring I planned to have put in my lip at that same summer festival I had attended in the past two years. I had the money. I spoke to the tattoo artist that would be there and he agreed to do it. All was well... 

Except, things came to light and the money that was supposed to go to the piercing went to something far more important. Loki, being the awesome guy that He is, was fine with that. He knew that my heart, for the first time in a LONG time, had been where He asked it to be. 

About an hour after He agreed to the re-purposing of the lip ring funds I found myself staring down at a wood cutting of the rune dagaz. When I touched it the first time all I could think was "this is for Him. I have to get it for Him. He wants it. It's His and it has to go on my altar for Him."

I bought the wood cutting and carried it around with me for the rest of the festival. 

Dagaz is one of His runes. It translates to day or dawn. It represents awakenings and enlightenment. 

To add a further amount of radness (at least in my opinion) to this... my middle name is Dawn and this is the first step into a better relationship with Him. 

I always did like His sense of humor.

This post turned out longer than I had anticipated. I meant to just talk about why Lady Gaga makes me think of Loki. Instead, I shared my story and realized the meaning behind that dagaz cutting for the first time. 

Have some Gaga:

If you want something done right, you'll have to do it yourself...

I think that is the way that that saying goes.

Regardless of the exact phrasing, that right there is why I am starting this blog. Well, that and because Del (aka The Lokean Pope) put out a call for more pagan blogs a few months back. I decided that today, the first day of the Month for Loki would be a perfect time to start this blog. 

You see, as the title says, I want this done right. That means, it is time to stop my bitching and write. 

Now, you might be wondering what I am bitching about. Well...alright. Here goes.

I am a Lokean. 

I have known Loki for as long as I can remember. As a child He came to me looking like The Nuge. All wild hair and conspiring smiles. He told me jokes and made a very bad time bearable. I'm no longer the hurt little girl who needs a silver tongued warrior to defend her, but He still looks the same... 

I spent a lot of time running from Him. I will be 30 in November and it has only been in the past year that I have fully embraced the title of Lokean. It has only been in the last year that I have embraced Him. 

I know that he has a different relationship with others. I am not interested in a different relationship with Him than what I have. Deep? Yes. Different? No.

You see, Loki is pretty much the closest thing to a father that I have. I have only met one other person who says that and he is linked in this blog. Most people (usually straight women) see Him as this sexy broody god with a wicked sense of humor and a big fat you know what I am talking about. Not everyone is a Godspouse. Some of us are just devotees. Some of us are just followers who love what a certain deity stands for even when they have never heard that deities 'voice'.

I am Eri. I am a daughter of Loki and a follower of Brigid. I like fire (for obvious reasons) and tell horribly silly bad jokes. This is my blog. I would say 'welcome' but I have hospitality issues and that word makes me twitchy.